The Swan
by sammis
Summary: Hermione is depressed, Harry and Ron just dont care anymore, what will come of an lonely night on the astronomy tower
1. lonely

**A/N** this is a challenge set by Webmistress MetaMuse. The deadline is 7th April (I think) but I doubt I'll have this finished by then because ive only started it today but I will try. I haven't written a HP fic in awhile. If you want to know the requirements to the challenge just say so in a review or sumit. Sammis.

Disclaimer: Sadly i dont own them. Not even the plot, well i kind of do and dont.

**The Swan**

Hermione stared into the bowl of soup that sat untouched in front of her. It was evening meal in the great hall but even with the great noise Hermione was still able to hear herself criticize the refection she saw looking back at her within the soup. The image was distorted from the lumps of vegetables and meat floating in the watery mess but yet Hermione saw that it didn't improve nor worsen her reflection. Not even the watery food could change the picture to be more grotesque then she looked. Taking in what she saw Hermione noted all the thing wrong with her looks starting form her hair down. Counting within her head she started repeating the list she had learnt of by heart from hours of looking in the mirror.

**1**, Hair is too fuzzy, dry, and unmanageable and the colour made her look skin look horrible.

**2,** her skin was dry and had too many blemishes.

**3,** her eyebrows was close to becoming one and taking over her forehead.

**4,** her eyes were too big, they made her look like a house elf, and the colour just insulted her skin like her hair.

**5,** her nose was too wide and flat.

**6,** her mouth was too full, if some one was to wet her lips and then stick them to the ceiling Hermione would remain daggling there for years.

**7,** her teeth wasn't straight even, even though Miss Promfey had help make them even she didn't help them to be white and not crooked, fair even it was only the one tooth out of line but it still helped to make her ugly.

**8,** her chin, or should she say her chin's. Both where covered with more blemishes then she would like and the dry patch of flaky ski wasn't helping the matter either.

**9,** her neck, as wide as her face only helped to make her look like a hamster.

Hermione moved over the bowl so she could see her chest but before she could carry on with her list she was distracted by a large piece of her dry hair falling into said bowl. Fishing it back out Hermione tried to get all the bits of food out of the dangled mess. 'Damn it all'. Pulling out her wand at a last resort Hermione charmed the food away only causing her hair singe as the magic did its work. Looking at the burnt bit of hair tears began to swell in her eyes. It seemed no matter how hard she tried she could never get it right. This was another thing she had failed at. She would never be beautiful.

She wiped quickly at a tear that escaped, looking around the table to see if anyone had seen her and to what has become the 'norm' no one was. Harry, she noticed from the last time she looked up had moved from his new piece of 'fluff' neck to her mouth. Ron as what had become another 'Norm' had his tongue down is longer-than-3-weeks-this-time-girlfriend and his hand firmly pressed on her chest. You would think they would go somewhere more private to have sex then to dry hump in front of the whole school. Not that the school seemed to mind the visible display of hormones, well all apart from the members of staff and only when they actually took the time to look around and notice them. At least Ginny wasn't that bad. She is just sitting next to Justin while she ate, it looked like she was embarrassed by Ron and Harry too because she had a slight red tint to her cheeks. Justin was for some reason was eating with his left hand even though he was right handed. The explanation for this was that his right hand was under the table doing…No wonder why Ginny's got the blush!

Repulsed by those around her Hermione stood from the table forgetting her meal altogether, it wasn't like she could eat after that anyway and quickly made her way from the hall to her place of peace, the library.

"What's with her?" Ron asked as he pulled away from the fifth year Ravenclaw.

"Must be some sort of homework she just got to do this minute!" Harry voice got higher at the end as he tried to imitate Hermione. His attempted was rather successful as those who were in hearing range laughed.

"She is getting so annoying lately. All it is with her is work, work, and work." Ron exclaimed. "She lucky she got us because otherwise she wouldn't have any friends at all."

"Yeah, I know mate." Harry agreed before going back to Hannah Abbott.

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The library was where Hermione wasn't afraid of what she looked like, didn't care if her hair was a mess. There was no need to pretend she was happy with in the tombs. Heading towards the table she has spent most of her time in the library at Hermione thought sadly how much things have changed as it reached the end of their final year at school.

The trio wasn't as strong as it was before Voldemort's fall and to think that was only at the beginning of their seven year, and now it was nearing May and Hermione felt more alone then ever before. This change wasn't something that happened overnight. The first few months of Voldemort's defeat they had tried to keep their bond strong. Then the girls had started to appear, both Ron and Harry had felt the need to 'relax' a bit. Soon after Hermione was just the girl they spoke to when they needed help with homework or just someone to talk to, to fill the time until they could see their 'girls' again. Ginny was the same, it wasn't like she was that close to Ginny before hand but they just sort of drifted apart as time passed on. Ginny helping to fill the void in the gap Hermione once filled. Being pushed away by them Hermione turned to her books. They would never betray her. Never leave her.

Settling down in the chair Hermione prepared to spend the rest of her Saturday within the comforting wall around her.

**A/N** short chapter, I know. Just want to set a foundation for Hermione's current thoughts, feeling and life before jumping in with two feet and with out the knowledge of how to swim. Please Review.


	2. Death

**Soul chaser**: everybody has a day when they feel like poop Hermione's is just non-stop. I want to get across how Hermione feels trapped within her own body.

**Cas:** updating just for you.

**Warning: non-detailed rape ahead.**

**Chapter 2**

"Hey bog-brush!" Draco called as Hermione walked passed them on her way back to the Gryffindor tower. Draco had started calling her this new name for nearly a month now. It was still novelty to his Slytherin twats. The sniggering followed proved that it wouldn't get old anytime soon.

"What is it now?" Hermione turned to them raising a bushy eyebrow. She had got use to Draco's catcalls at her ages ago, it still hurt her but she didn't defend her self anymore. It only made it worst.

"Ever think of killing yourself? Save a lot of people the grief of having you around." Outright laughter followed as Draco nodded his head at some of the Slytherin's.

"I'll sleep on it." Hermione smiled sweetly before walking away from them.

She made it all the way to the tower with out anyone else bothering her. Entering the portrait she stopped short of entering the common room. Harry and Ron were laughing pretty hard at something and she bet she knew who.

"I know his a prat and all but god he knows how to put things." Ron started laughing again at the end of his sentence. Hermione was confused she would of thought they would be taking about her or their girlfriends. "Bog-brush, I've never heard him use a muggle thing to insult a muggle-born."

"Yeah, I didn't think he knew about such things. He's right though, her hair does look like a bog-brush." Harry said making Ron laugh even worse. Hermione couldn't believe it, it was first year all over again. "If she wasn't such a bossy, irritating know-it-all and got laid she--"

Harry was cut of short as Hermione made her way through the Common room to the stairs of the head girl's room. She knew Harry, Ron and she had grown apart but now they were mocking her. She was truly alone again. Lifting her head up higher she made her way to her room.

"Do you think she heard us?" Ron asked looking very guilty.

"Yeah." Harry replied, he was just kidding around; blowing out some hot air he didn't mean to hurt her. It was just a joke.

"I don't think she will forgive us this time Harry." Ron said sadly. They really were a pair of knobs sometimes.

Hermione had left her room after Ron and Harry had given up trying to have a one-sided conversation to her through a door. They were only there for 12miniutes and 37seconds, not that she was counting, before they left her to it moaning about hormones and wondering how long it was before dinner. She walked unnoticed past them; it would seem that their girlfriends have finished their lessons, mindless twits. Hermione made her way to the Room of Requirements. Peace was what she had in mind.

Opening the door Hermione saw a large bathroom. Candles were lit everywhere a faint aroma filled the air. She couldn't place the smell; she had smelt it before, many of times actually. Burgh, her mind was so fussy from her earlier crying. Stripping of her school uniform she walked towards the crowed feet bath that was steaming in the middle of the room. Reaching the side and pulling of her remaining socks Hermione stepped into the bath. Leaning back, the hot water soothed her aching muscles. Her face felt puffy from earlier, at this thought a mud mask and two slices of cucumber appeared on the side. Smiling Hermione pampered herself.

The water never went cold, the temperature remain at the level that Hermione liked. She had laid there just over an hour when she started thinking about today. Ron and Harry have cast-sided her away like a broken broom, never to be fixed. She heard the rumors her seventh year was saying about her. Claiming there was only one reason why she was a teacher favorite among the male staff. Draco and his hurtful words, thinking that his old insults had lost their effects he had turned to muggle means of making her feel even uglier than ever. It had been this way for seven years.

Draco had told her to kill herself.

Was her education worth years of scaring, physical and psychological?

Moving the cucumbers of her eyes, Hermione felt the Room of Requirement change. There on the edge of the bath next to her hand was a very sharp looking knife. Laughing bitterly aloud she pondered the idea.

No, she was Hermione Jane Granger. She will not take her own life.

Closing her eyes Hermione thought about her appearance's changing, to show everyone who Hermione could be, who she really was. Feeling the room shift again, Hermione noted that she should think before she thinks in this room. Opening her eyes to see what it was, Hermione saw a tall mirror at the side of the bathroom. Figuring she's spent enough time in the path she got out of the bath. The knife had yet to disappear. Her skin dried as she walked to the mirror, her hair felt longer and heavier too. Standing to observer the image she hated, Hermione looked into the mirror. And she saw the goddess she was meant to be.

Her figure was slimmer, her hair was a honey golden brown and straight too. Her teeth were perfect and white. Her pours had shrunk on her face; her skin was not dry and had some colour to it. Ugly was not her in this image. Here she was a Swan. And this swan knew her appearance would change back to how it was once she left the room. It was after all the Room of Requirements.

She had stared at the mirror for well after three hours. After the first half hour a chair had appeared for her to sit on. Two hours a small tray of cheese and biscuits was presented to her. Hermione watch herself in the mirror, she was still naked and yet she dared not move. Looking at her watch she noticed it was now after curfew and that she had not moved in ages. Flexing her neck to relieve the stiffness Hermione noticed that the knife was still there. Moving from the chair Hermione got dressed with the quickness you would expect from someone not moving fro hours on end and left the Room of Requirement. Leaving the Swan behind.

While walking passed the hallway leading to the Great Hall, Hogwart tower and everywhere else in the castle Hermione was confronted with the likes of Draco Malfoy. It was a good thing she summarized that he was on his own, she bound to suffer less pain this way.

"Where you going Hermione?" Draco asked, he had used her first name immediately putting Hermione on her guard. Walking towards her Draco looked around to see if there was anyone else around, not a good sign of Hermione's side. "You don't need to rush."

"I'm going to Gryffindor tower and I do need to rush because it's late and after hours." Hermione walked pasted Draco and continued to the main stair cases. They were on the fifth floor, Gryffindor was on the seventh. Unlucky for her Draco had followed her. He called her name again and when Hermione turned round he had his wand drawn. Shit.

"Dirty little mud-blood whore. If the teachers are getting a piece of your ass, so am I." He cased a silence spell around them and walked up so close to Hermione that there bodies was touching and his wand was pointed at her throat. "I wouldn't get using your Gryffindor courage anytime soon if I was you."

"No. Don't." Hermione pleaded as Draco placed his free hand on her breast. Hermione felt sick, why was Draco touching her this way when he did nothing but insult her looks all day. Was it a new way torment her? Feeling a tear slip down her cheek Hermione stayed frozen to the spot as Draco molested her.

Shivering in the corner of the astronomy-tower, Hermione sat with her robes crumbled around her, after Draco had raped her she had fled to the tower where guilt and fear ate at her. Her body was not her own no more. She had no identity. She was lost. Bitter tears streamed down her cheeks. It was not only minutes before she had had the chance to end her life before Draco had stained her. Now death was what she wished for. Standing on two unsteady feet Hermione stumbled to the tall windows of the tower. Pulling them open she throw herself out of the tower, towards the wet earth below.

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**A/N** Come on guys review please! I need your help! What do you think? Thanks to those who do review and a thanks to those who have at least read the chapter. 


	3. price

**MissHardToPlease**, must find it **HardToRead**, because this, my dear I-need-to-use-sarcasm-tags-I'm-that-crap-at-it, is a **challenge** fiction and is stated as one too. Also, mepsychology student, I think I know abit about projecting characteristics on to others. It is a rather popular way of repression. I am pushed to say that you are projecting your self as Hermione as a way to escape what ever it is, so you are putting your feelings on to me in means of repression. Then it is I who must suggest you seek help, hey if you wait for 4 years I will be able to offer you legal advice. You could come down to my office and everything, wouldn't that be great?

Ooo, it's not until your late teens you develop your identity fully, this means you're bound to differ from the 14/15 year old gal you once were.

So just for you, dear lass, I shall put the rules of the challenge and point out certain information you might find useful. And I won't bother putting gaps in between each one because you've wasted enough space already.

Has to be Hermione's last year. She is normal self, busy hair and what not (**_nothing was said about character_).** Draco and co tease her, (_ok, you're being teased still going to be happy, maybe? That's do able)._ Ron, Harry and Ginny don't care about her (_still happy, normal self?)_, Overhears Ron and Harry bitching about her (_feeling depressed yet?)_, (_this one you will like) _she loses the will to live (_I know I wouldn't throw myself of a tower just because of a few words, there has to be at least something else)_.

There is more but it doesn't really matter because I'm going in a different direction.

Daygonna, Elli, ghzowy, Innogen, katarina drew, DiscordantHarmony, Dark Secret1, JTBJAB, WannaBArtist, Dru, future movie maker, Dawneb, Transylvanian, BabyRuth15, kiss-of-cuteness, Taste's Like Home and Celi. Thanks a lot for the reviews. They mean a lot. jagnic233, thank you too.

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**Chapter 3**

The wind numbed her skin, her hair fluttering widely behind her, torn clothes wiping around her. Hermione closed her eyes and embraced the peace she felt elope around her. No more, she would suffer no more. Her ears where ringing from the cold harsh wind. Her body falling towards the ground.

But was it worth it? Where they worth her life? She was weak. She was no Gryffindor. She was no strong minded witch. She was, Hermione, pain Jane Hermione. Death was all she had going for her.

"It doesn't have to be that way."

What the fuck? Snapping her eyes open, Hermione saw the face of what she assumed was a ghost. Would she be a ghost? She tried to speak but the wind was too harsh. Seeing this, the ghost stopped her falling. Hermione was terrified, she was hanging well over 100ft from the ground, wait a sec the ghost was talking, what was she saying?

"-I can change you, for a price. It doesn't have to be this way."

Working her mouth Hermione final question. "What? How? Why? Who are you?"

The ghost chucked. "My name is Bess. I can change you, to be what you want to be, for a price."

"A price?" Hermione was finding it hard to listen to what she was being told. She was plunging to her death only seconds ago. What was happening, was she already dead? Had she passed out and was now dreaming? It didn't make sense. "How?"

"I'm a trapped sprite and quite frankly, I don't want to be here. So I'm going to offer you a deal before you top yourself. You teenagers are so ungrateful, if I was your mother, god, you wouldn't behave in such a way." The woman's beautiful and fair face contorted as she began ranting, each new word changing her face into one of a beast. Her figure, once slim, growing to become large and disfigured. What sort of ghost was this? "Anyhow, I want to trade."

The woman's face and figure changed back to its original from, Hermione was reminded of Dr Hide and Mr. Jackal. "What do you mean? Who are you?"

"I'm Bess. I will make you how you want to be. For a price." Bess smiled a spoke softy, from her looks she was close to her forty's.

"What price?" Hermione felt as if she would welcome death even more so if the bloody woman didn't answer her.

"A swap, your life for my death." She spoke her voice manic.

"You stopped me for this? What do you mean you could change me?"

"I'm not allowed to just swap places with you, it has to be _won_. So I shall make you who you want to be, but to keep your life and your appearance you must fall in love and have that love returned and not for your looks either, this must be before the next full moon or I shall take your place and you shall take mine."

"The fall moon was the other night, its not enough time. Who could I fall I love with? No body will love me." Hermione felt her muscles begin to cramp, it wasn't everyday that she was stopped mid-free fall. It was like, time had frozen but the wind still passed over her and noises of the night was still heard.

"Then you have noting to lose and everything to gain. You are trying to kill yourself now aren't you? Why?"

"None of your business." Hermione Snapped, she could still feel the cold hands of Malfoy run across her skin. She was still willing to die, she had nothing to live for.

"You will be able to live as you wish to appear. Your feelings will not change, you will still want to kill yourself. This way, you won't die completely unhappy." Bess smiled widely, sharp razor teeth showed through. "After all you always have your looks. Have we got a deal?"

"I still want to die." Hermione said somberly. What difference could a month make. She would be able to look like who she thought she could be, if she did fall in love, she could keep it, if not it was a good experience. She had nothing to lose. "But you have a deal."

"That my dear, was the right answer." The ghost laughed a high pitched laugh that seemed to get louder and louder. Screwing her eyes shut and pulling her hands as to her ears. Hermione willed the noise to stop. It did and when she opened them, Hermione found that she was back in the astronomy-tower. Her robes were repaired and as she looked over herself to check to self if the marks were still there. They wasn't, but to Hermione's horror, on her left forearm was a countdown timer. It read…

'_28 days, 2 hours, 15mins, 36 secs._

_Not in love.' _

Hermione spent the next few seconds watch the tattoo like numbers change. Thinking it was all some wild dream Hermione stood up and moved towards the door, she pulled back on the handle and there before her was Professor Snape. "Sorry Professor, I didn't mean to be out after curfew."

Professor stared dumbly at Hermione, a look completely unknown o her across he's face. "Who the fuck are you?"

"It's me, Hermione Granger." Hermione was shocked at what he had said, why didn't he recognize her? Then she remember what Bess had done, she didn't look like the old Hermione now.

"Bullshit." Pulling out he's wand Snape put a body blind on her before she had time to react. He then cast her to levitate, flosting her out of the tower and towards Professor's Dumbledore's Office. Snape was careful not to injure the girl as he made her way, she was rather easy on the eyes.

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A/N so…how'd do you like it. Any body saw that coming? And ideas on what is going to happen next? This might be my last update until after Friday the 13th may, because that is my 18th birthday party and I've got so much to organize before. Thanks for reviewing. 


	4. Answer

Disclaimer: Don't own them at all, not a sausage.

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Chapter 4

"Severus! Really! Is there any need for that?" Albus scolded the potions master as he unkindly dumped 'Miss Granger' on floor in front of the headmaster's desk.

"Until we find out her really identity there is plenty of need for it!"

"Identity? What do you mean? Putting a body-blind on her, really. Is that anyway to treat a student?" Albus tutted as he looked down at the remarkable beautiful woman, her eyes were looking pleadingly at him. Frowning Albus looked hard into her eyes, they was familiar to him but he had to admit he had not seen this student before and by the looks of it she was in her sixth or seventh year. "Who is this student?"

"She claims to be Miss Granger."

"Really now? Why that is very interesting. _Finite Incantatum!_" Albus released the spell and at once the girl was on her feet claiming her identity to be true. "Please don't work yourself into a bother. This matter can be easily sorted out. Now would you like Professor Snape or me to perform the Legilimens?"

"What? Legilimency? Your going to read my thoughts?" The girl stopped her pacing a stood staring opened mouthed at the aging Headmaster.

"If this matter is to be sorted at as quickly as possible and your identity made clear. Then yes."

"It seems to me Headmaster that this girl has something to hide." Severus was sitting in one of the two hardback winged chairs that were in front of the desk.

"I have nothing to hide!"

"Then you won't mind me looking into your mind will you?" Severus smirked at the woman.

"I do mind _you_ looking in there! If it has to be done I would rather have the Headmaster to do it!"

"Then it is settled. Come sit down dear, I doubt it would be much comfortable for you to be standing through this." Albus' skill of Legilimency was a bit ruff around the edges but as the woman sat before him and the incantation past his lips he was pleased to find it would do the job. Visions of her childhood came forwards then went off to the sides, the sorting ceremony in her first year showed it to be the former bushy-haired Gryffindor. It was indeed Hermione Granger. More events went past, still like photos, each showing that the girl was Hermione. But why had she changed? Pushing harder to get past the next few years Albus skipped through the memories until he reached what he was hoping to find. The reason why she had changed. He saw still pictures of her throwing her self through the window, the poor girl was so depressed and after what Mr Malfoy had done to her, she had been desperate to find away out. Another image came into focus and it was one of a beautiful fair ghost. After this the pictures where showed in rapid sequence showing what had happened after that until she was meet by Professor Snape.

"Well?" Snape asked as soon as the connection was broken.

"This is indeed Miss Granger; it would seem she has made a deal with the Infelixicis." Albus Dumbledore regarded the girl softly. To have made a deal with something of such a dark nature as a Infelixicis, she must of thought her future to be bleak.

"I thought they were just a myth!" Snape stated still unsure if to believe the words of those who spoke them.

"It is true that very few of them exist but they are as real as you and I." Turning his attention back to Hermione Albus continued. "You have little time to succeed but I shall do all that is in my power to help. I am sure Professor Snape will help brew a potion which will reveal your sole mate. Lets just hope that he is within this lifetime and these walls."

"Sir, is that what it was? I've read about them, the Infelixicis that is, they only choose certain witches and wizards. Purebloods to be exact, why me?" Hermione had not spoken before as she was calculating her chance of success. At the moment her chances were slim.

"There hasn't been many people who have completed the deal and come off better for it. Those who did were indeed pureblood but this does not mean that they haven't chosen those of a different blood making." Albus smiled. "They make their decision based on the future of those who are self inflicting the end of their life. If they see the life as a waste the Infelixicis will try to replace the life with their own and live to do what the person did not."

"They take my place?"

"In a sense, they wont have your body or past but will have your future. It would seem yours hold great potential as your time is so imitated." Albus sighed and looked at the time. It was getting late and he had to speak to Severus alone about Miss Granger. She needed all the help she could get; he just hoped they both weren't too stubborn to see the truth. "Miss Granger, it would be best if you spent the night in the infirmary. It would be easier to explain if you was seen leaving there in the morning. Explain it to be a private potion you were working on. An improved disillusioning one that you've yet discovered how to reverse. As for Mr Malfoy, I shall deal with him myself."

"Urm…Thank you Headmaster. I'm sorry for the mess I've caused. Goodnight." Hermione walked out of the office and down the stairs to the corridor. Her mind was in such a state, was it a mistake to agree to the Infelixicis? Should have just fallen to her death? What had been spoken in the office was all still a blur. Would the others believe the excuse of it being a disillusioning potion? Numbly she made her way to the infirmary. She would not get much sleep tonight.

* * *

"Severus, I need you to work on the potion tonight. We can not afford to lose any time." Albus pushed his glasses up.

"I think we should just let her to solve this on herself. She was selfish another to take her life, why should help her redeem it?" Snape pulled his cloak around him as if straightening it out.

"We can not condemn another for past mistakes, if I was to do that where would you stand today?"

"Point taken Albus. I shall work on the souls revealed spell as soon as I return to the dungeon, I will need her help in the later stages, but I shall have the base ready for the morning. The potion takes 16hours to complete. Her soul mate should be known by dinner time. Is that all?" Severus asked stiffly, the idea of staying awake all night for some girl didn't really make him the happiest of men.

"Tell Mr Malfoy to come to my office before breakfast. It seems we have something to discus."

"What did the boy do?"

"He took her last will to life, the only thing she had prided herself about around her peers. Not her knowledge but her innocence. The boy had raped her." Albus in that moment looked his years. "She has repressed what he had done, not excepted what he has taken. You need to be prepared for when those walls break."

"I fear I have had enough for one night Albus. I shall start my work straight away." Severus stood from his chair and left the room. Once alone Albus let the sorrow come forth and he wept. Regaining his composer he informed Madam Pomfry about the arrival of the new Miss Granger and instructed her to give her the morning-after potion. This was a sad time indeed at Hogwarts school for witchcraft and wizardly.

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A/N sorry its taken so long. Birthday is over but exams are starting, I should be revising but instead I'm writing. What do you think of the chapter **and a big thank you to all those who reviewed!**


	5. Questions

Long time i kow, but its back. After some hard thinking i have a general idea where to take this. Being as i have left it for so long my style of writing has changed too. So i do hope you enjoy it, drop us a review of your thoughts. thanks! sammis

Disclaimer: Don't own them at all, not a sausage.

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Chapter 5

Hermione mouth fell open as she finally saw her reflection, no wonder why the professors didn't believe her. She looked totally different, her bushy hair had gone and in replace was golden blonde straight long hair. Her skin had a healthly looking tan and no freckles, moles or blemishes, she was floorless. Her lips looked less plum but still full and had a red tint to them. Her neck was long and slim. It looked like she had lost a few pounds and her bust had expanded a few more inches. Her nose was smaller and had a slope any skier would admire. Even her voice sounded different to her ears, it was softer. The only thing that was the same was her eyes.

Sighing Hermione decided she would have to research more about these Infelixicis. Why had her appearance changed so much and not to that image she saw in the Room of Requirements? Why did her eyes remain the same? If Bess could change her to what she wanted to be then why did she look like she did? Not that she was complaining. Maybe she this was actually what she wanted to look like and she just didn't know…

She defiantly needed to research this.

Putting the hand mirror down on the bedside table Hermione moved so that she was under the cold starched sheets of the infirmary bed. Tomorrow was going to be interesting day, it was going to be hard facing Harry and that but she would get through it. She hoped her year believed the story, it was a good thing potions was first, nobody would risk asking her about it in while Snape was there, even Draco would have trouble finding something to insult her about.

Draco…

She would have to face him, be in the same room as him. How could she do it? Could she just pretend the whole thing didn't happen? Could she live with the knowledge of what he had done?

She looked at her 'tattoo' count down and watched as the seconds ticked passed.

'_27 days, 22 hours, 4mins, 27 secs_

_Not In love.'_

It would seem she would have no choice but to pretend it didn't happen if she wanted to beat Bess.

But if she asked herself if she wanted to live or not, she didn't think she would be able to answer.

0000

She was wrong to think that the threat of being punished by Snape would stop the questions and whispering. She had arrived early as normal and was already in her sit before any of the other students entered the class room. The Slytherin's idly walked in first, thankfully Draco wasn't with them, and being coy as they were they didn't disguise their shocked at seeing her very well. The boys looked her over as if she was some sort of priced meat and the looks from the girls was full of hate. Did they even realize that she was just plain Hermione Granger?

When Harry, Ron and the rest of the Gryffindors finally made it into the classroom then noise level rosed to deafening level. The questions all came at once. Who was she? What was she doing here? Where had she come from? It was getting too much, everyone was crowding her. Hermione tried to speak but panic filled her. Was this what it was like to look perfect? To have all this attention, none of it being for the person she is or the work that she does.

"I-I-II--" Hermione opened her mouth and struggled to find the answers. She was saved from having to do so from Snape no less as he came barging into the room.

"Silence! I will not tolerate this amount of noise in my classroom! This is a place for learning not for idle gossip. Now return to your seats!" Proffessor Snape scanned the room as everyone made for their seats. His eyes finally setterling on Hermione. "Ah, Miss Granger, I see you are the cause for this. 20 points from Gryffindor. A further 30 for your lack of care and respect for the School and all that it stands for."

Hermione winced as she read between the lines of his words. Lack of care and respect for the school? He meant life and he wanted her to know it too.

"Thats Hermione? No way!" Plug-face-Pansy screeched. Taking the attentions off her to the other girl. The room errupted again and Hermione hung her head and wished to be anywhere else but there.

"I said silence! Save the questions for your free time and not mine. I am here to teach you lot of whiney snott-nose dunderheads how to make potions even the retarded of house-elfs could make." The room fell silent again as Proffessor Snape snapped at them. "If you lot are all we have for the future of the wizarding world I think I might just top myself now."

As soon as the words left his mouth their eye's meet. Hermione blushed a deep red as Snape snarled and his bad mood increased. For the rest of the lesson Hermione kept her head low and didnt answer any questions. She cleaned up her worktop and handed in her brewed potions without saying a word, but Proffessor Snape did.

"Stay behind after class if you'd be so kind too."

0000

Severus avoided looking at the Gryffindors as much as possable during the lesson. Ever since finding Miss Granger in the tower he had been filled of thoughts of her. Before that he had just seen her as another student, another one of the crowd. Known only for her being the know-it-all third party of the golden-trio, loved by all and annoying to him. Wasn't that all that was to her? Clearly not. What demons where eating away at her? Why did she detest living so much that she would take the next step he was always too stubben to make? Sometimes even too scared too. why would she want to kill herself?

He looked up to see Miss Granger still sat at her desk, her head bowed. Her perfect face hiden by that long blonde hair. Everthing about her was a vision of pure beauty but it wasn't her. Just a clever mask to hide behind. It wasn't the Miss Granger he thought he knew. The room was empty apart from them, the silence was deafening. He stood up, the chair scrapping along the stone floor. He actually felt unsure of what to do next. It wasn't every day you dealt with something like this. He almost felt sorry for the girl. "Miss Granger. I have asked you to stay behind so I may gather the last item necessary for the potion."

"I-of course Proffessor." She answered finally looked up at him. There was the Miss Granger he knew, the one who would always look the person she was speaking too in the eye's, even if she would rather gouge them out first. Her eye's had not changed, Severus noted. "What is it that you need?"

She was acting as if it was for a class project. What was it that the headmaster had said? That she was pushing what had happened to the back of her mind, repressing it. It was something that he wasnt a stranger too. Most of his memories were ones he'd rather not rememeber at all. Severus moved to stand in front of her desk, the hard wood acting like a barrier, "Just a drop of blood. From your pulse point. Your wrist will do."

"With your wand?" She asked.

"Yes, I dont want to put any ideas in your empty head about self multulation." Severus picked up her hand from where it was resting on the table and turned it palm up. Even the small patch of skin there was pleasent to look at. "Quick, painless and not barbaric."

He held her wrist with his left hand while his right reached for his wand. Summoning an empty vile to the desk he turned the wand point to her wrist. Placing the tip on her pulse point they both watched as a small patch of her skin turned blue and the vile began to fill up. Severus ended the spell and put his wand back in his robe. He still held on to her wrist and he examined it closely. He ran his thump against the small blue mark as if trying to rub it away.

"Looks like an ink stain." Her voice was a whisper but he heard her. It did look like an ink stain. What was worrying about this though is that no mark was meant to be left. She shouldnt have a stain there at all. He had never incounted it before. What curse had this creature put on her?

He dropped her wrist without warning, turning away and taking the vile with her blood back to the front of the room. "Thank you Miss Granger, that will be all."

He sat down and rearranged the scrolls on his desk as she left the room. What did this all mean? In a few hours he would find out who her soul mate is but at what cost? Why had that stain appeared? Severus sighed and pitched teh bridge of his nose. He would need to speak to Albus about this. He would do so while he found out what had happened to Draco. The boy had been missing all night.

0000

When Hermione entered the common room everyone turned and stared at her. Harry and Ron came rushing forwards, seeming to forget that she was no longer talking to them. They reached her side both taking hold of an arm and pulling her across the room to an empty corner. Harry and Ron looked at each other and then at Hermione waiting for her to speak. Wanted to be up in her room rather than with those two she snapped "What?"

"Gawd Herm's, I just wanted to know why you didn't tell us about this new potion of your's. I thought we always did everything together?" Ron spoke alook of sad betrayal on his face. How selfish could they be? The first words out of their mouths was about themselves.

"It was extra credit for Potions. It was work not a scam." Hermione narrowed her eyes and scowled at them both. At least Harry looked bashful.

"You look hawt Hermione!" Someone shouted from across the room. Harry and Ron both went red and turned so that they blocked hermione from the view of others.

"How long will it last for?" Harry asked staring at his feet. He wouldn't make eye contact.

"I'm not too sure, i mis-calculated, it was only meant to last 30minutes, so it could last for hours, days, months even years." Hermione said in a quiet voice, she never did liked lieing.

"Years?" Ron cried his eyebrows raising making him look like his eyes were budging out.

"Yeah." Hermione answered. She didnt want to be there, it felt so uncomfortble and awkward being around them now. "Look guys, im feeling pretty tired. I'm gonna go to bed. Get a nap before dinner."

"Oo! That reminds me. Dumbledore wants you to go to his office after dinnner. Are you getting in trouble for this?" Ron asked handing Hermione an opened scroll.

"Ron, this was seeled and addressed to me! Did you open it?" Hermione stared at the crumpled note in disbelief.

"Yeah, i wanted to know what was going on being as you didn't tell us in Potions this morning." Ron said shrugging, not looking like he felt any remorse for his action.

"You little shit!" Hermione spat.

"What!?" Ron spluttered his ears going bright red.

"How dare you read _my_ letters. They have nothing to do with _you_! Maybe if you two wasn't such pricks all the time and actually paid some notice to me instead of bitching non-stop, I would have told you what I was doing! It wasn't like you cared yesterday. Why now? Why are you even here?" Hermione said in a low angry whisper. Ron was too shocked to speak and smaked his chops about like a fish out of water. Where as Harry just stared at his feet. "I've had enough of carrying you two through school, from now on your on your own. Dont even bother to ask me to come to dinner."

Hermione turned on her heal and marched up the stairs to her room. How could they be so uncaring. Even now all they was thinking about was themselves. She pulled her robe off and threw it on the bed. Sighing she flopped herself down next to it. Why did she agree to do this in the first place. Nothing had changed. She was still alone. At least she will find out if its worth fighting for or giving up when she goes and sees the Headmaster. Her soul mate will be known by then. Her life was not in her hands anymore.

0000

"Please tell me you've finally gone mad." Severus said as he stared at the albino ferret. "He is a student Albus! You cant keep him like this for ever!"

"Oh I'm quite sane Severus." Albus smiled as he sucked on a sweet. "Mr Malfoy and I desided that it would be very educational for him to be a ferret for awhile."

"You can be locked up for this you know." Severus said but didn't change the boy back himself. Just put him back in his cage. "I've completed the potion Headmaster."

"Oh jolly good and what are the results?" Albus looked over his specticals and at the man standing before him.

"Now that is a very good question indeed and I was hoping you could tell me." Severus took out the vile of eth potion and placed it before Albus. "For some strange reason when ever I cast the spell for the answer i get this lovely little note saying i do not have the permission to be told so."

"Indeed, aht is quite interesting." Albus sat forward and looked at the vile. "Well let me try."

Pulling out his wand Albus hit the side of the vile three times. Nothing happened for a short while and then all of a sudden the cork flew off and a streams of smoke poured out. Hovering in the air above it, shifting so it made clear letters. Until it formed a name only Dumbledore could see. "Very interesting..."


End file.
